Searching for Meaning

Searching for Meaning

Meaning is a fickle thing. What is meaningful when we are younger and more idealistic becomes unreachable and even possibly crazy when we get older and life has a chance to break our pink tinted lenses. That’s not to say we shouldn’t want to chase after or seek a life of meaning. Rather, it becomes more important than ever, the older we get, to define meaning in tangible ways.

So what is meaningful for me now in my mid-forties? It’s now about being authentic and becoming a solid role model for my kids. I want them to see me facing life’s challenges (losing a job, watching friends pass at a fairly young age, seeing wrinkles and sagging where there wasn’t before)… and doing it all with as much with grace, courage, and maybe a little bit of defiance as I can muster.

I am now looking for ways to see myself differently. I have started obstacle racing (i.e. Spartan) and I am not good at it, but I train and try. I have begun a regular practice of prayer (or meditation) to help quiet my mind so I can better hear more loving guidance. I have learned to breathe through my stress, depression, and anxiety. Although sometimes I find that even that fails and my strong mind drags me through the ringer until I exercise or find some other external distraction to pull me through.

By looking at my flaws, faults, and evolving dreams, I am finding out that not only am I worthy of other people’s love, I am worthy of self love. So maybe I am finding that the meaning of my life is the meaning of love…

I am still defining it… day by day… moment by moment. I hope that through this journey I am able to shed light and not darkness into the life of my family and friends. After all, life is a shared journey, at least for me it is.


May 29, 2015

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