Handling Difficult People

One of the most challenging parts of being a leader is being able to handle difficult people. These can be employees we lead, peers we work with, or even our boss. Let’s face it, not only do leaders have to deal with difficult people, everyone has someone they consider hard to handle.

In order to get things done and reach our goals, we need to learn how to handle difficult people. Everyone has their own definition of who is a difficult person. Some may think it’s the person who is stubborn about their ideas, others can’t stand people who won’t make a decision or can’t articulate their ideas, and still others may find people who are overly positive hard to handle.

Regardless of the type of person you find hard to communicate with, there are certain tactics that will help you when dealing with someone who challenges your ability to stay calm and reasonable.

So when you are faced with a person who is pushing your buttons, consider using one of these tactics:

Slow down and take a deep breath

You have seen this recommendation a few times in not just dealing with difficult people, but in any challenging situation. It definitely applies here though. By slowing down and taking the time to take a deep breath, you’re allowing yourself not only time to calm down, but also time to consider your actions. When you respond without thinking, you may overreact. This in turn may cause the other person to respond in kind and escalate the situation even further. By slowing down, you can consider if your feelings are justified or just taking over. Then you can decide what is the most effective course of action or the appropriate thing to say to improve the situation rather than just lashing out.

Weigh the consequences

The best way to control how you react to difficult people is to weigh the potential consequences of each of your possible reactions have. It’s crucial to keep in mind that every action or response has consequences. They say for each action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Do you know what the possible reaction can be? Are you prepared to handle the consequences if you lash out without thinking? Have you thought about another time you have reacted in this same way and if you liked the results? By asking yourself these questions,  you will be able to determine if the response you may be receiving is what you are hoping for. If not, then choose a different way of interacting with this person.

Stay calm

Similarly to taking a breath, you need to remain calm even when the other person may be acting in an irrational or emotional way. By keeping your cool, you will be able to better analyze what is happening and why and coming up with solutions to the situation. Even the most difficult person has a reason for why they act the way they do. By flying off the handle or reacting emotionally yourself, you may create more disharmony and upset. Don’t be difficult just because someone else is. Keep your emotions in check to come up with the most effective response.

Take a step back

Sometimes, the only way to handle a difficult person or situation is to step away. Giving yourself and the other person time to think about the situation and why it is triggering such emotions will allow you to offer a more reasonable resolution. When you are in the heat of the conversation or situation and you realize there isn’t an easy answer, simply let the person know that you think it’s best to step away and give each of you time to consider the other’s point of view. But this doesn’t mean ignoring it. It means coming back after you have been able to calm down so you can hopefully better communicate and compromise.

Know when to walk away

This is the last resort. If even after trying to compromise and react calmly, the person just can’t be civil or reasonable, then it’s time to walk away. It may be hard to walk away when it’s your boss or a family member, but even then you have the choice. There’s no use wasting your time and breath on a difficult person that won’t change or compromise. It will only cause yourself more stress and harm than it’s worth. And the truth is, the other person is suffering as well. It would be best for both if you just walk away.

Handling difficult people isn’t easy. It is, however, a necessary part of everyone’s life. As a leader, you may find yourself faced with this situation more often. By learning to calmly and confidently handle them, you will be able to be a role model for your team.

The most successful people are able to handle all types of people with understanding and respect. It doesn’t mean they don’t get triggered by certain people, it just means they’ve learned how to effectively handle them using many, if not all, of these tips.

What other tips or tactics do you use to handle difficult people? What types of difficult people frustrate you the most?

We’d love to hear any tips or ideas you have.