One of the key pillars of emotional intelligence is Empathy.

Becoming a leader that creates a lasting legacy requires you master many attributes and skills. One skill that I’ve shared in the past that is vitally important is emotional Intelligence(EQ or EI). EQ is the ability to perceive, understand and regulate emotions. People who master emotional intelligence find that they are better able influence their employees and peers, garner support for their ideas, and more successful in their personal and professional lives.

Empathy is defined as one’s ability to identify with and understand the feelings, situations and motives of another from their point of view. Empathy encourages helping behaviors from within you, rather than being forced from external sources. For leaders, this means your employees feel supported, cared for and understood. It does not mean you aren’t able to offer constructive criticism or correction, rather it allows you to do so in a way where the employee is able to hear, understand and apply the advice.

Empathy vs Sympathy

Empathy and Sympathy are closely related in concept and definition and they are often used interchangeably. However, it’s important to understand the differences between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy is the feeling of sadness, pity, sorrow, or distress for another.

When you empathize with someone’s situation, you are making a genuine attempt to see a problem, situation, or event from their perspective. Empathy serves an important role in communication, forgiveness, and trust. It also serves to help us to all be better people.

Sympathy, on the other hand, is just expressing sorrow or pity for someone when they are facing a difficult situation. Moreover, sympathy doesn’t involve shared perspective or emotion. You can feel sympathy for someone you see in tears without knowing anything about their situation.

Let’s look at an example. Say a coworker comes to talk to you and tells you they are frustrated with their boss.

• Sympathy: You tell them how sorry you are they are struggling and may even tell them so, but take no steps to find out more or how you can help.   
• Empathy: You ask them about the situation, share that you’ve had challenges with your boss in the past and discuss with them some ways they can improve the situation.

Empathy and Sympathy can also be separated in the differences between rubbernecking and stopping to help that stranger on the side of the highway who’s trying to change their tire. Feeling sympathy for another is far easier and takes much less energy than expressing empathy.

Empathy is further separated from sympathy in the fact that empathy can be positive or negative. On the other hand, sympathy is always negative because as defined, it’s the emotions of sadness, pity, or distress for another’s situation. Sharing in the excitement of a friend who just got promoted or the misery of a family member who just got laid off are both experiences of empathy.

Types of Empathy

Empathy actually has three types as broken down by Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman. These are:

• Cognitive Empathy
• Emotional Empathy
• Compassionate Empathy

Cognitive Empathy is your ability to understand what a person might be feeling or thinking in any given situation. It helps leaders become better communicators because you are able to relay information to others in a way that allows them to best understand.

Emotional Empathy is also be referred to as Affective or Social Empathy. It’s your ability to share the feelings of another person. The reason it’s also called affective empathy is because it affects or changes you. For people with strong empathetic inclinations, they may find themselves immersed in other people’s problems or pain. This can end up damaging their own emotional well-being. Although strong leaders need to develop some emotional empathy while ensuring they don’t get too ensnared in their team’s emotional states.

Compassionate Empathy or empathic concern is the most active form of empathy. It goes beyond understanding or sharing the feelings of others. It actually pushes us to reach out and help; to take action. This is the type of empathy that is truly most appropriate.

People don’t need us just to understand what they are going through (cognitive empathy) and they don’t just need us to feel their pain (emotional empathy), although these forms of empathy can be useful in helping us to connect on a deeper level with others. Rather, the most useful is compassionate empathy where we actually  take action or help the person take action to resolve the situation.

The Importance of Empathy in Leadership

We’ve all seen leaders who act in their own best interest. Those who do whatever is necessary to get ahead even at the cost of others. We’ve read articles where leaders get huge bonuses or raises even in the midst of laying off people. Are these the type of leaders you want to follow? Do you think these are the leaders with empathic skills? If you’re like me, you know what the answer is.

If you want to be a great leader, one who leaves a lasting legacy, you need to hone and deepen your empathy skills. Leaders who have the ability to understand what a person is thinking or feeling, one who is able to share their employees’ feelings and to take it one step further and help their employees formulate a solution will have a loyal, engaged, and passionate team. A team that will do more with less. A team that will be more resilient, motivated, and dedicated than any other.

If you want to learn more about how to gain this key skill, consider taking my courses on multiple intelligence, reading articles on emotional intelligence and empathy, or hiring a business/life coach. You won’t regret the time and energy you put in to building this empowering skill. Not only will your employees thank you, but the other people in your life will thank you as well.

To living and leading a life that is spirit infused!