Improve Listening Through Questions
Listening is a powerful leadership and relationship building tool. In fact, studies have shown that we spend 45% of our time listening. Studies also show that most of us are poor listeners. And yet, studies also show that successful people and leaders are also good listeners. So how can we improve our own listening skills? By learning to ask good questions.
But have you ever noticed that many people don’t like to ask questions? I can understand it if you are asking personal questions of people you don’t know well or even whom you just work with. You don’t want to offend them or make them feel you are being nosy. But, I’ve found that most people willingly answer the questions you ask them.
When you someone a question, you listen for the answer. You aren’t spending your energy trying to come up with what to say after the other person is finished speaking. That’s why questions are a great tool to add to your listening toolbox. It helps you to focus on the other person and not on what is going on inside your own mind, hopefully.
Here’s a few tips to help you ask better questions.
Keep it Relevant
The first is to make sure your question is relevant. If you are all over the place on the topics you are asking, the other person is going to suggest you switch to decaf, because you will seem too high strung and wound up. Keep your questions relevant to the discussion topic. You can transition into other topics, but try to keep them related to the main thing you are trying to learn about or get opinions on. One way to make sure you are sticking to the main topic is to write out what questions you would like answered before sitting down to speak to the person.
Don’t Ask Tricky Questions
Another tip is, don’t ask questions for the purpose of tricking someone into an answer or attempting to show how brilliant you are compared to him or her. The idea of asking questions is to connect with others by listening to his or her stories. Think of questions that you know they will be able to answer. Sometimes, you may already know what she will say, bu=ut it’s the process of communicating as well as the answers she gives you that’s the key.
It’s okay to ask questions that may somehow relate to you, but do your best to keep the focus on the other person. People love to talk about themselves, and when they find people who are good listeners, they will easily open up.
Use Questions to Focus the Conversation
Good questions can help to steer the conversation. This can be an asset when you talking with someone who is overly chatty. If he is going on and on about a topic, use questions to steer him back. This focused approach gives you control while moving the conversation forward. To focus the conversation, think specifically about what information you are trying to find out. Then ask a redirecting question to get that answer. If, however, the purpose of the conversation was just to get to know them and the time is running out, you can gently let them know that you appreciate their time and have enjoyed learning about them, but you need to get to your next appointment. Keep in mind, even if you don’t have a “next”
Practice Improves Questioning Skills
If you aren’t one who typically uses questions in a meeting or conversation, it can take some practice to learn what to ask. However, there’s plenty of opportunity for that practice in your day to day interactions with others. If you take public transportation to work, for example, strike up a conversation with the person next to you. This may not be as easy as it used to be since people tend to be focused on their smart devices but, if you try, you will find many people are open to a conversation.
Listening is an art and a science. And one part of the art, is learning to ask questions and really caring about the answers the other person provides.
May your listening be infused with your unique spirit!