Stories that Disable
It is so very hard to stay positive when bad things happen. We find ourselves thinking things like:
Why did this happen to me? Things never work out for me. I can’t believe she said that! I can’t believe he threw me under the bus in that meeting! I never get what I want. I always have to take this abuse.
The truth is, nothing is ever as bad as it seems. We make it “bad” with the stories we tell about what happened.
Let’s say that you were in a key meeting with a prospective client and your peer says something that goes against what you promised the client. What stories are you saying about how the client is perceiving this information? Are you thinking that they won’t ever trust you again? Are you thinking that your peer is trying to sandbag this sale so you look bad? Or are you thinking you must be an idiot for promising something that can’t be done?
Notice how all these thoughts don’t serve you. What can you think instead?
Maybe you can think that your peer is trying to help mitigate account issues down the road by bringing up the problem. Maybe your customer is thinking that your peer got the information wrong and he is waiting for you to explain.
It’s during these times that you have to pause and take a breath. For this particular situation, you may need to ask for a break so you can discuss with your peer privately the issue she is bringing up. Arguing or making each other look bad in front of the customer is not the most effective response. Rather, review what the customer wanted with your peer and explain the solution that was decided upon. If it’s true that the solution you promised the customer isn’t possible, is there a work around? Or is this a feature you can look at asking your team to create for the future?
The thing is, don’t get caught up in the stories you are telling yourself. You don’t know the motivation or the thoughts of another. The best thing to do with your peer is to explain why you think them telling the customer you were wrong may have been a poor choice.
Explain the perception you are concerned the customer may now have about the company, you, and your peer. Then allow them to explain why the spoke up when they did. Maybe she is unaware of the impact her conflicting statements caused.
If you were incorrect, then the next step is to explain to the customer your misunderstanding and explain what you “can” do. Reiterate the positive about the solution you can provide. But don’t over promise hoping to close the sale. You’ll not only eventually lose the customer, but you’ve created a negative customer experience which show up as poor reviews in social media and bad karma in the long run.
The idea not to create “stories” about what is happening also applies to your personal life. How often do you look at someone you care about and interpret from the frown on their face that they don’t like what you are saying? Or when they don’t smile at a funny story you are saying they aren’t paying attention or that you did something wrong?
Many people have blind spots about what they are saying, doing, or the facial expressions they have. It’s so much better to explain how what they are saying, doing or expressing comes across to you. But when you are explaining, do not make it seem like something is wrong with them. Be careful with your own tone, words, and expressions.
This is why emotional intelligence is so important. Learn your own internal landscape and response and then address the stories in your head by communicating with the people in your life.
May you live a spirit infused life and one that aligns with what you want to accomplish in the world!